


I Was Yours, But You Are Hers

by TrixAreForEveryone



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke Canon is Coming, Everyone loves Madi, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Present Tense, a dash of romance, a pinch of fluff, a sprinkle of smut, and oops a bucket of angst and feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 13:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14770158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrixAreForEveryone/pseuds/TrixAreForEveryone
Summary: What he feels for Clarke is so much more than love. He’s not even sure there’s a word for it. It’s deeper, all encompassing, just... it’s everything. So instead, he closes his eyes and takes a steadying breath. When he opens them, he lets her see the soft warmth and burning hunger he feels for her, that he’s felt for her for so long. He lets her see it all.Short snippets from Season 5 (that still pack a punch to feels) in no particular order that include scenes that weren’t filmed, interactions we’re all craving, and everything in between.





	1. A Knowing Look

**Author's Note:**

> I just need these things as we wait for the episodes that really matter lol.
> 
> Again, these aren’t in any chronological order. I’m just writing what comes to me first.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could happen if Clarke decides to take Madi and leave Wonkru after a disturbing conversation with Gaia and Spacekru knows about it. 
> 
> Echo POV

As they continue talking about what needs to be done next with Wonkru and Eligius, a dark skinned woman with light, close cropped hair approaches them. Her dark eyes traverse over them all before landing on Clarke.

“ _Wanheda_ ,” she says in greeting.

“Gaia,” Clarke greets stiffly. “What can I do for you?”

The woman’s eyes lower towards Madi and she tilts her head as a small smile forms that is somehow more disturbing than friendly.

“I have come to meet the _strik natblida_ ,” she says to no one in particular. “The last _natblida_ alive. It’s truly a blessing for Wonkru.”

Keeping her dark eyes on Madi, she takes a step forward and says, “hello, _strik natblida.”_

Before Madi can reply, Clarke steps in front of her and gently pushes the child towards her and Harper.

“Do _not_ talk to her,” Clarke snarls in a low voice, moving towards the other woman. But Bellamy wraps his arms around her waist and keeps her in a tight hold as she struggles against him.

“You look at me,” she seethes, waiting for Gaia to meet her stare. “If you look at her, speak to her, or even breathe the same air as her, you’ll remember why I was known as the Commander of Death. I’ve killed _hundreds_. I _will_ kill you, _fleimkepa_.”

That one word chills Echo’s blood. Without looking away from the _fleimkepa_ , her right hand drifts discretely towards the pommel of her sword while she puts her left on the back of Madi’s shoulder, grabbing a handful of her jacket so she can pull her out of the way if necessary. Thankfully, Madi doesn’t react to her hand and continues to look straight ahead. But Echo can feel her muscles tense in preparation to either run or fight.

Even though the old regime died with the rest of the world, even though she has been in space for the last six years, it was melded into Echo’s very bones from an early age that _natblida_ children were protected above all others. And with Madi being so skilled in fighting already…. Octavia couldn’t get her hands on this child.

The _fleimkepa_ barely blinks at the threat and simply smiles at Clarke.

“We are _all_ Wonkru under Blodreina,” she replies, the veiled threat quite obvious, before turning to leave.

When she’s gone, Clarke pulls herself away from Bellamy and reaches for Madi, attempting to storm off. But Bellamy holds his hand out for the girl to wait before taking Clarke by the arm and dragging her down to the more deserted end of the tunnel.

She glances down at Madi and upon seeing the worry on her face, reaches down and rubs her back. The girl’s dark eyes meet hers and Echo gives her a small smile. Madi tries to return the gesture, but it’s strained and tight. Echo jerks her chin up and straightens her shoulders while maintaining eye contact. The little natblida takes a breath and does the same. Her expression becomes determined and prepared and she nods once to Echo. A true smile spreads across Echo’s face at Clarke’s adoptive daughter and she can’t help but feel a bit of pride at how strong she is.

Their attention is diverted though when Clarke raises her voice slightly to Bellamy. They  watch as she hisses something to him and tries to get free from his grasp, but he refuses to let go. He just continues to pull her towards him until he can wrap an arm around her waist. Her struggling starts to lessen and he bends down so his face is only inches from Clarke’s. He cups her chin in his free hand to make her look at him as he keeps murmuring reassurances. Occasionally, she’ll nod or shake her head, but before she can vocalize her disagreements, he beats her to it and rushes to say something else. At one point she starts talking over him and it’s now Bellamy’s turn to shake his head. He leans even closer to her and starts speaking quickly again. Even though Echo knows it’s not intentional, the scene comes across as so intimate that she feels like she’s encroaching on a private moment and should look away.

When Echo glances at Harper and Monty, they look on with no sign that this kind of behavior, this closeness, is out of the ordinary for the pair. While she’s always _known_ about the relationship dynamic between Bellamy and Clarke, this is the first time she can remember actually _seeing_ it in a setting outside of the battlefield. And it’s so much more intimate than she’d thought, the kind of intimacy that touches one’s very being.

Pushing down the feeling of dread in her heart, Echo turns back just as Clarke suddenly rips herself away from Bellamy’s hold as if he had burned her. She visibly pulls herself together and says a few hurried things before walking away. She calls for Madi and the girl goes running to her. Clarke tucks Madi into her side and the pair walks briskly back to their room, leaving Bellamy staring after them with a mixture of sadness and confusion.

He rubs his hand down his face then walks back to the three of them.

“So?” Monty whispers to Bellamy.

“She’s taking Madi and running,” he replies grimly.

They’re all quiet for a moment before Echo finally speaks up. “It is the best for Madi. I didn’t like the look in that _fleimkepa‘s_ eyes when she spoke to the little _natblida_. She is too dangerous. And Clarke has just openly declared herself an enemy of Wonkru.”

Bellamy’s dark eyes meet hers and she sees the war waging in them. She meets his gaze unflinchingly.

“What’s a _fleimkepa_?” Monty asks, pulling their focus away.

“They were the spiritual group who guarded the Flame of the old Commanders and oversaw the Conclave for selecting a new one from the _natblidas_ who were vying to be selected,” Echo tells him.

The man’s eyes widen and his lips part as he quickly puts it all together. “Yeah,” he whispers, “that’s… that’s not good at all.”

“Where will she go?” Harper asks tentatively.

Bellamy’s jaw clenches as he says, “Diyoza.”

“She’s offering peace at least,” Monty reminds him.

“She had Clarke in a _shock collar_ , Monty. Just like Murphy. Except Clarke had been electrocuted enough times that she had _burns_ on her neck. And Octavia hasn’t exactly been letting people go,” Bellamy growls. The other man winces slightly and doesn’t say anything else.

“But Raven, Murphy, Emori, Abby, and Kane are there,” Harper pipes in. “She can help them and they’d be able to help protect Madi better than we can.”

Bellamy’s jaw crisscrosses before he lets out a sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I know. I _know_ it’s the safer of the two evils. It’s just-,” he rubs a hand down his face again.

“We just got her back,” Harper finishes sympathetically, to which Bellamy nods.

Reaching out, Echo puts her hand on Bellamy’s arm and rubs it soothingly. “She is Wanheda. She has survived every obstacle that has been thrown at her. She will not falter now.”

When he gives her a grateful smile, she returns it. But it falls when his eyes drift back to the entry where Clarke disappeared into. There’s a desperation and yearning in them she’s not seen in years. A need to follow the blonde woman to whatever ends of the earth she chooses. But it’s gone within the next blink and she can see grim acceptance and determination to keep her protected as best he can. When he turns to look st the three of them, his features are calm and collected.

Regardless of what Bellamy had told her on the ship, Echo knows deep down that things have already started to change. From the moment Madi told him Clarke was alive and trouble and he followed the girl without question. Even though he doesn’t realize just yet how deep his feelings for the blonde are, she does.

But right now isn’t the time to dwell on such thoughts.

So instead she says, “we need to make sure they get out of here alive before your sister gets word of this.”

When Bellamy nods, they quickly discuss what needs to be done then split up. She goes off to find Clarke. Upon entering the room she shared with Madi, she knocks on the door.

It cracks open and she’s met with blue eyes. Clarke opens the door and quickly ushers her inside.

“We’re going to help you,” she says to the blonde and tells her what they’d just discussed. Clarke’s shoulders relax and she interjects her own thoughts for Echo to share with the others in case she runs into them first.

Once that’s done, she looks between the two of them before she puts her hands on Madi’s shoulders and leans down so she’s eye level with her.

“Be strong, _strik_   _natblida_ ,” she murmurs with a gentle smile. “Watch out for your  _nomon_ and make sure she doesn’t do anything too risky.” She turns her eyes and holds Clarke’s gaze as she says, “she has only just returned us and she is too loved to be lost to us again.”

She lets those blue eyes see the true meaning behind her words. They widen slightly before she blinks and Echo is shut out of her mind.

Returning her attention to Madi and smiles again. “And we haven’t had nearly enough time with you.”

The young girlbeams at her and wraps her arms around Echo as if it’s the most natural thing. A lump forms in her throat and as she returns the hug, Echo feels something in her shift. And she knows without a doubt she will lay her life down for this sweet child if need be. Just as she would for the other members of her new family. When she looks up at Clarke, she has a gentle smile as she watches the two of them.

Echo lets go of Madi and rubs her shoulders before turning to Clarke. The blonde holds out her hand and Echo grasps her forearm without hesitation.

“Be safe, _Wanheda_ ,” she tells her.

“You do the same,” Clarke replies.

“May we meet again,” she says with a small dip of chin.

Clarke’s grip on her arm tightens as she says, “we _will_ meet again.”

They let go of each other and Echo slips back outside. Once the door closes, she takes a steadying breath.

 _One issue at a time_ , she reminds herself. Straightening her shoulders, she heads off down the hall.

Right now, she has work to do.


	2. His Penelope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night talk between Madi and Bellamy where some things are learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is how I’d like to see Bellarke get rolling. 
> 
> Bellamy POV

As Bellamy sits against a log during his watch, he’s surprised when a small figure comes to sit down a few feet away. He whips around to look behind him before turning to Madi. 

Instead of greeting her, he says, “you move like a ghost.” 

She shoots him a proud smirk as she sits facing him cross legged. “That’s kind of the point if I want to catch anything to eat.” 

His eyebrows slowly shoot up at her sarcasm and he lets out a small chuckle.

“Good point,” he says before tilting his head. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Shrugging, she replies, “I couldn’t. So I thought you wouldn’t mind some company.”  

“It’s a quiet night. But I don’t mind,” he tells her. 

She nods and focuses her attention to their surroundings, her eyes darting all around as she helps him keep vigil. But, like all children, the inactivity and silence eventually become too much. 

“Clarke told me you know a lot of stories,” Madi says after awhile.

A ghost of a smile crosses Bellamy’s face as he nods. “I do.”

“She tried to tell me some of them, but she said she wasn’t nearly as good as you,” the girl tells him casually before smiling proudly. “She did tell me though about the gods she remembers and she said I’m most like Artemis.”

Remembering the way this twelve year old threw a spear straight through a man’s neck then took down two others, not even batting an eye as she shot them point blank, Bellamy can definitely agree with that.

“I’d say she’s pretty spot on,” he tells her. And damn if her beaming smile doesn’t warm something in his chest.

They go back to sitting quietly before she turns her big brown eyes back to him and asks, “will you tell me one?”

He tilts his head as he tries to sort out which one would be best. Well, there’s really only _one_ myth he knows of that actually has a nice ending. And that’s the tale of Odysseus.

Meeting her eyes, he smiles a little and says, “I think I know a good one.”

She perks up and comes to sit right next to him. He tenses for just a moment at her proximity before relaxing. It’s hard to remember that while he still barely knows this girl, she’s lived off of stories about them for _years_. In her mind, she already knows them.

They both get comfortable and then he begins. His confidence begins to grow the longer he tells it and the more he glances at Madi to see her staring at him with rapt attention, hanging on his every word. He’s forgotten how much he enjoys this and it takes his mind off of the depressing reality surrounding them.

Once he’s done, he turns to Madi and sees the thoughtful expression on her face before she slowly smiles again as if coming to a realization. “So… like you and Clarke. She’s your Penelope.”

He blinks at that, completely blindsided by the innocent connection. His mouth hangs open slightly as he tries to scramble for some kind of answer.

“I… why would you think that?” he finally asks.

Madi’s brow pinches together and she scratches her nose while thinking of her response. “Well… you came back to her after being apart for years and she never gave up on you being alive.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “What do you mean?”

She meets his gaze again and says, “I’d ask her if she really thought you all were up there sometimes and she’d tell me that she was still breathing so she still had hope. So, that’s kind of like Penelope, right?”

He has to swallow several times before he can even manage a smile. Even though shame hits him hard because he’d given up on her before they’d even _taken off_. Yet Clarke had believed and hoped that he was out there in space. 

“Is that…,” he starts before clearing his throat, “is that how you knew who I was? Her stories?”

Nodding, she replies, “and the drawings.”

“Drawings?” he asks skeptically.

“Yeah, she has tons of them,” Madi informs him with another smile. “Most of them are of me and you, but she’s got some of everyone. Raven, Abby, and Octavia probably have the second most though.”

A corner of his mouth twitches up, but the ache in his chest doesn’t allow more than that. Once more they lapse into silence, Bellamy lost in his thoughts of what Clarke drew of them all and wishing he could see for himself.

Madi pokes at the ground before murmuring, “I think the drawings helped keep her from missing you so much.”

The ache gets sharper and he clenches his jaw as he breathes deeply through his nose in an effort to keep his composure. But his voice is still too rough with emotion as he looks at her and says, “we missed her too.”

The brunette girl keeps her head bent towards the ground as she nods. He thinks she’s not going to say anything else when she whispers, “she was really sad sometimes. She didn’t think I could tell, but I could.”

_Fuck_. He can’t even imagine what Clarke went through before she’d found Madi. He _knew_ she was deflecting when he’d asked her how she survived being alone. He’d let it slide because he still couldn’t believe that she was _there_. For some reason he can’t explain, a part of him _needs_ to know how she did it. Because if _he_ barely got by without her while surrounded by six others those first years, then he knows it was literally hell on earth for her. But he doesn’t know how to ask her that. Her old walls are up again and for the first time, he’s not quite sure how to break them down.

Sighing, he rubs Madi’s shoulder. “You kept her strong. Even when she was sad, I know she was forever grateful that she had you. And I think that even though she missed us, if she could go back and change it so she could come with us, she’d still choose to stay because she got you.”

She slowly lifts her head and looks at him. He can see a ghost of a smile on her lips and a hopeful look in her eyes at the thought.

“That’s what Clarke told me too,” she murmurs  

He smiles at that and says, “then it’s true. And once she had you, she wasn’t alone anymore. You kept Clarke alive just as much as she kept you alive.”

Her shoulders relax and her smile widens before she turns her head away, biting her lip. They both look out into the night when she whispers, “you kept her alive too.”

His head snaps back to her. “What?”

Biting her lip again, she nods as she keeps looking forward. She pulls her long hair to one side of her neck and wraps it around her fingers. He’s struck with the fact that she’s somehow gained Clarke’s nervous tick. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. It’s just… it’s so _Clarke_.

He waits patiently as Madi decides whether or not to actually answer his question and he’s more relieved than he realized when she does.

“She’d talk to you... on the radio,” she whispers, her voice barely louder than a breeze.

“She’d radio the Ark?” he asks, his own voice just as quiet as hers.

She shakes her head slowly. “No.” Turning to look at him, she says, “just you.”

Forget the ache in his chest. No _this_ was a stab straight to the heart and a swift kick to the diaphragm all at once. He _knows_ his expression is probably filled with pain if the way Madi is warily staring at him is any indication but he can’t reign the debilitating, crippling emotions inside him. So, he turns away from her instead. His breaths are ragged and there’s a lump in his throat that he can’t swallow and all he can think is _Clarke._ And if it weren’t for the damned radiation, he could have been able to hear her. He could have at least _talked_ to her while they were separated.

He clears his throat several times before he pushes out, “did she… did she do it a lot?” Again, he has _no fucking clue_ why he cares so much about that, but he _has_ to know. He has to know so that it won’t feel like he had been alone in the bleak nothingness of that time. So he can finally face those dark times that he’s so carefully blocked away and find comfort in the fact that while he’d looked down on a burning earth yearning for her, she’d been looking up towards the moon and the stars yearning for him.

He turns back to her and she nods, her eyes searching his face.

He manages a wobbly smile and reaches for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He waits to speak until he’s sure his voice is somewhat steady. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Madi. It’s just very sad, like you said. Because I...I missed her just as much.”

The confession gets stuck in his throat because he’s never been good at sharing such things, but he pushes through so he can finally get some answers.

It seems like it’s the right thing to say when she squeezes his hand back.

”Can you tell me how many times?” he asks gently. 

She lifts a shoulder and just as she opens her mouth, a voice calls out from behind them. “Madi?” 

They both turn to find the subject of their thoughts standing there looking between the two of them with her head tilted to the side. 

Resting her blue eyes on Madi, she asks, “what are you doing up?” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” the girl shrugs. “Bellamy was telling me a story.” 

A soft smile graces Clarke’s face as she looks at him. “Didn’t I tell you he was good?” 

The warmth and openness in her expression soothes something inside of him that’s been on edge since she’s blocked him out. Without realizing it and even with the pain he feels, his own lips are tilting up into a small smile in response to hers. 

Looking back to Madi she says, “but _yong natblidas_ need their rest.” 

“Bellamy’s almost done. Then I’ll come,” she replies, the yearning in her voice and pleading in her eyes obvious. 

Bellamy side eyes the girl, but doesn’t give anything else away to indicate she’s lying. Clarke looks at her for a long moment before glancing at him. When he gives her a nod, she turns back to her daughter and relents. “Alright,” she sighs before saying more sternly, “but straight back.”

Madi smiles and nods quickly. Once Clarke is gone, she turns to him.

“I know you finished,” she says quietly as she leans towards him. “I just wanted to say that I think....” She pauses before whispering, “I don’t know if it was supposed to be a secret or not. I don’t want Clarke to get mad at me. And I think... I think she’d want to tell you herself.” 

Her eyes search his for understanding. 

“You’re right, she would,” he tells her with a resigned smile.

As she gets up and makes her way back to Clarke, he faces forward again, his eyes checking the area for any threats.

 “Bellamy,” she calls softly. He turns around to find her walking back and crouching in front of him. 

She looks over her shoulder to make sure it’s just them before turning back to him. “She’s been sad again lately,” she tells him in a hushed tone. “And she’d always talk about you whenever she’d get sad before you got back. Or _to_ you on the radio. Then she wouldn’t be as sad anymore. So maybe... maybe you can talk to her and make her happy again?” 

Her expression is tentatively hopeful as she waits for his reply. 

He can’t help but stare at this young girl who’s still so young and innocent in some ways, yet wise beyond her years in others. An emotion he’s not familiar with fills him at the thought of how wonderful a mom Clarke is. 

“I promise to try, Madi,” he tells her, his dark eyes staring into her own so she can see the truth. 

She smiles and leans over to hug him. This time, he doesn’t tense and a fond smile plays at his lips. 

When he pulls away, he jerks his chin to gesture behind her. “Now, you better go. We both know what Clarke is like when we’re not on time.” 

_Every three hours means every three hours!_

The girl fondly rolls her eyes but gets up and rushes off to find her mom because she knows how right he is. 

He turns back and looks up at the moon as his thoughts race. Yes, it’s definitely time to talk to Clarke. Because he’ll be damned if he lets her try to continue on in any other way than the one they’ve known for so long. 

And that’s _together_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea of Madi planting the radioing secret in Bellamy’s head but it’s Clarke who tells him just how many times. I find that to be sweeter. 
> 
> I hope my portrayal of Madi was good. I don’t think she’d just blurt out Clarke’s info like a really young child is prone to do. She knows right from wrong and she’s obviously way more mature than an average 12 year old in some areas.


	3. Those Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everywhere she touches, she leaves a trail of wildfire in her wake and the sighs of pleasure she lets out fill him with a heat inside that’s as strong as lava, changing the very foundation of who he is. And he’s so sure he’s going to combust, turning to nothing but ash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy confronts Clarke about the radio calls. Fluffy confessions but in that kind of emotionally awkward yet super precious way Bellarke does. A dab of angst is in there too. 
> 
> Bellamy POV

Bellamy finds Clarke at the rover going through supplies. He glances around and is grateful that none of the others are close by. Deciding this is his best chance to talk to her.

”Clarke,” he says as he approaches.

She glances at him over her shoulder and gives him a small smile before returning to her work. “What’s up?”

 Leaning against the side of the rover, Bellamy says, “I had an interesting conversation with Madi.”

A dark blonde brow arches and a faint smirk touches her lips. “Oh? What was that?” she asks.

”She told me about your drawings,” he tells her quietly. 

Clarke’s smirk turns into a fond smile as she nods, her eyes becoming far away. “Yeah, she loves them. I drew as many I could of as many of you all as possible.” 

His own lips turn up at the image before he takes the plunge.

“She also told me about the radio.”

Those blue eyes fly back to him, smile immediately falling and shoulders tensing a moment but relax as she takes a breath in. Her voice is subdued when she says, “Madi shouldn’t have told you that. I’ll speak to her about it.”

“That’s not why I want to talk to you about this,” he tells her with a furrowed brow.

”No?” Clarke asks vaguely, turning back to organizing.

”I’m curious as to _when_ you radioed,” he replies.

Watching her as intensely as he is, Bellamy can see new walls building up around her and his eyes narrow. _Got you,_ hethinks. Here’s what she didn’t want to tell him by the fire.

“Why would that be important?” she asks, trying to hide the tenseness in her voice.

“Just wanting to see if it was during times we’d tried to fiddle with the comm system,” he tells her. Not exactly the truth, but not a lie either. Raven had looked at it, but not that intensely.   
  
Blue eyes dart to his before looking away again. “I doubt it,” she mutters before saying louder, “besides, no one’s on the rig so it’s a moot point.”

“I’d still like to know, Clarke,” he prods.

“I don’t always have to tell you _everything_ , Bellamy Blake. Not six years ago and not now. Perhaps I don’t _want_ to talk about it,” she says icily, spinning around to face him. 

He blinks at the tone of her voice, not expecting that at all. But he recovers quickly and narrows his eyes at her as he steps closer to her.

“That’s too bad, Clarke, because I _do_ ,” he tells her in a hard voice.

When her eyes turn to blue fire, he feels a familiar thrill run through him at how he’s winding her up just like he used to when they first landed. And she’s that feisty princess who refused to take any of his shit. Perhaps it’s a bit twisted to feel such a thing, but he doesn’t care too much about it. Because all he can think is, _there she is._ There’sthe Clarke he knows. Not the woman who has been avoiding him aside from planning their next move.

“So what? Just because _you_ want something means everyone should just give it you? Well, sorry to disappoint,” she spits before trying to move around him.

 But before she can take two steps, he’s crowding around her, until he has her pressed against the rover. He braces his hands on either side of her and leans down until he’s eye level with her, effectively caging her in so she’s got nowhere to run. Still, she doesn’t cower. She lifts her chin and keeps her eyes locked on his.

“How many times, Clarke?” he asks.

“Why do you want to know?” she growls.

“Because I do,” he replies evasively. “Why won’t you tell me? We’ve always told each other everything.”

She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Maybe that was true before _Praimfaya_ , but not anymore. I don’t _know_ this version of you, Bellamy. So why would I take that chance? Besides, it’s not like you’ve been forthcoming with your life on the rig.”

He gives her a look that says he’s not convinced with that statement, hiding the hurt those words cause him. “That’s not true and you know it. We’ve both changed, yes, but you still know me, Clarke. Just like I still know you. And I _know_ you’re hiding something from me.”

Her eyes spark defiantly as she asks, “do you honestly think I couldn’t get past you?”

“You can always try,” he tells her casually, “but you won’t win.”

Clarke scoffs. “Please.  _I’m_ not the one who’s gotten a bit... soft around the edges since you were last here.” She then pointedly gives him a once over and arches a brow at him.

Deciding not to play into her trap with that one, he keeps his tone unbothered. “Lucky for me I can use my soft edges and sit on you until you tell me.”

Her mouth drops open and she stares at him like she can’t believe what he just said. “ _You’ll sit on me?_ ” she repeats. “What are you? _Five?_ ”

“I’m seven and three quarters actually,” he quips without missing a beat.

Clarke’s face is unreadable for a few moments, but then the frost in her eyes ever so slowly starts to melt and soon she’s trying her hardest not to smile. But even as she bites her lip, it still manages to appear. He can’t help but feel proud and beyond relieved that he’s _finally_ able to get past her walls.

“You are so ridiculous,” she chuckles with a shake of her head, her eyes raising to the sky in exasperation. When she meets his gaze again she says, “but the answer is still no. Now let me through.“

She tries to get out of the cage he’s created, but before she can leave, his smile falls. He has a sudden fear that if he lets her go now, he won’t get another chance like this to talk to her. So, he takes this opportunity of having her right in front of him and actually being open with him to say what he’s been wanting to tell her for six years. “I’m sorry.”

The apology startles her and her head tilts slightly to the side as she looks at him imploringly. “For what?”

Bellamy averts his eyes from her and whispers, “I left you. You needed me and I left you.”

When he looks back at her, her own eyes widen, all annoyance and amusement from moments before gone, and she shakes her head. “No,” she whispers back. “No, you didn’t leave me.”

As he nods, he can feel his lower lip tremble with all that repressed pain rising up like an erupting volcano, so he clenches his jaw. “I did. I promised to never leave you, Clarke. To not make you face whatever you had to do alone. _I_ _promised_.”

It’s the guilt he’s been locking away since he closed the door to the ship. The constant wonders of if she had been just outside the lab as they took off. The nightmares of her getting caught in the fires of radiation and turning to nothing but ash. The fear that this won’t last and he’s going to lose her again. It’s irrational but he needs to get this out of him in order to put that whole ordeal behind him and be able to look at it without wanting to throw up. 

She quickly cups his face, the last of her walls crumbling until he sees the Clarke he’s so used to remembering. The one who was there time and time again to assure him that he wasn’t the monster he believed himself to be. The softness of her touch has him closing his eyes.

“Bellamy,” she whispers, “Bellamy, don’t. You did what had to be done and saved everyone else. Please don’t do this to yourself. You did nothing wrong.” Her hands stroke his face in an effort to soothe him. “But... if you need forgiveness, I‘ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay?”

Bellamy’s eyes snap open to meet her gaze and just like her touch and her voice, there’s only the gentle understanding that reaches that darkest parts of his soul, something only she can give him in those blue eyes that he’s missed for so damn long. A sob breaks through his lips and his hands grab her, clutching her to him. He burrows his face in the crook of her neck like he always has while her arms go around his neck. With everything that’s happened since they landed, he’s not been able to truly express how damn grateful he is to have her in his arms again. 

“I missed you so much. Every day,” he chokes out.

“You know I missed you too,” she replies.

They stand there as he lets out all the fear and grief that’s been building up on top of his relief of having Clarke back. Once he’s calmed down, he feels the feather light pressure of her lips on the side of his neck before she pulls back and cups his face again.

“But you’re here,” she says smiling through her own tears, “and I’m here. Together. And if this has shown me anything, it’s that no matter what, we’ll always find our way back to each other.”

He breathes in as though trying to inhale her words, the truth in them, and nods. With that, he decides to give her a piece of truth in hopes she’ll return it.

”You want to know what life on the rig was like?” he asks. “It was hell, Clarke. It was pure hell without you there. Everyone felt it and all we did was try and survive so that your sacrifice hadn’t been in vain. We all carried you with us. With every decision, we’d consider what you’d do. But I... I was completely useless the first year.” 

Her face becomes pained and she wraps her arms around him again, pressing herself against him as if to silently assure him she’s there. 

“Please tell me,” he murmurs against the skin of her shoulder .

Her eyes are cautious again when she pulls back to look at him and she asks, “why are you so adamant on this?”

“Because I need to know,” he tells her again, unable to explain _why_ until he gets his answer.

“It doesn’t matter, Bellamy,” she sighs in an effort to brush it aside while she tries to turn away from him.

“Yes, it _does_ , Clarke,” he replies, his voice filled with a vehement desperation as he holds her in place. “It matters more than you think.”

As she stares at him, he can see the war raging in her eyes. The fear of what will happen when her thoughts become words that she can never take back. The doubt in him staying by her side. The hope that she’s not wrong to trust him with this. He sees it all right before they close. He waits as she gathers her courage to answer him.

“The last time I radioed you,” she whispers, swallowing hard, “was day two thousand, one hundred and ninety nine after _Praimfaya_. Right...right when Eligius landed.”

If her eyes were open, she’d see the astonished look on his face. He was so sure she was going to say that the last time she’d radioed him had been _years_ ago. Not _weeks_ ago.

He’s honestly not sure how his damn heart hasn’t stopped working all together with the way it’s constantly been clenching and stopping since he’s been back on earth.

“How many times, Clarke?” he repeats, not caring how raw his voice sounds.

Her jaw clenches under his hands and a defeated expression crosses her features. Instinctively, his thumbs rub back and forth across her cheeks in an effort to soothe her, just as she did for him. He can barely hear her as she breathes, “every day.”

That’s it. Those two words are what it takes for his heart to tear to shreds. And he can see why she didn’t want to tell him such a truth. She’s never been a fan of weakness and is as stubborn as he is about opening up. 

Clearing her throat, she murmurs, “so that’s... that’s how I survived.” 

By talking to him. Even when she knew he couldn’t hear her. 

“ _God,_ Clarke,” he rasps before surging forward and capturing her lips with his.

As soon as his lips meet hers, he’s filled with a deep contentment that rivals with a burning need for more.

She’s still for a moment in surprise but quickly relaxes and starts kissing him back. He immediately traces the seam of her lips with his tongue, requesting entrance that she gives without hesitation. His hands slide back to cradle her head as he angles them just right to deepen the kiss.

Once that’s done, what little control Bellamy had tried to hold onto snaps. He kisses her with a desperation that would surprise him any other time. But years of unspoken feelings can do that to a person. The way her lips mold against his and how her tongue battles his own is both agony and bliss. He’s not sure he’s ever experienced anything as magnificent as this.

But then Clarke suddenly pushes him away.

”What are you doing?” she gasps with a horrified expression. 

He blinks at her in confusion before dread fills him. Does she... does she not want him? The way she’s looking at him right now makes him wonder if he was completely wrong in thinking she could feel the same for him. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat and says, “I-” 

But she cut him off before he could get a second word in.

”Don’t,” she snaps, “look, we can just... forget it happened. And...,” she swallows and looks away from him, “and I won’t tell Echo anything about this.” 

Echo? _Oh... well, shit._  He’d completely forgotten to tell her that they weren’t together anymore. 

As she tries to walk past him, he grabs her arm and pulls her back to him. She refuses to look at him so he quickly says, “Echo and I aren’t... together.”

Now her eyes snap back to him in shock and they glide over his face in search of the truth, locking with his again once she does. 

“Oh,” she breathes. Then her brow pinches together in worry. “Did… did something happen? Is that why you two have been... distant? Are you both okay?”

The shadow of a fond smile touches his lips at her consideration and he nods. “It was a mutual understanding. She helped me realize some things.”

“Oh,” she says again as she blinks at him. “Well that’s...good.”

If this were any other time, he’d find it quite funny at how inarticulate Clarke is being. But not right now. Because right now they’re standing on the precipice of something completely and terrifyingly unknown and neither of them knows how to make the next step.

“Can I ask... what you realized?” she says in a hushed voice.

“That I-,” _love you_. But the words get stuck in his throat and he’s not sure he has the courage to actually say them. Besides, what he feels for Clarke is so much more than love. He’s not even sure there’s a word for it. It’s deeper, all encompassing, just... it’s everything. So instead, he closes his eyes and takes a steadying breath. When he opens them, he lets her see the soft warmth and burning hunger he feels for her, that he’s felt for her for so long. He lets her see it all. 

As she stares at him, her eyes widen and her lips part with realization before she drops them. He freezes again and watches as she reaches up to take the hand that’s still holding on to her forearm. Just as he starts numbing himself from the pain of her inevitable rejection, she entwines her fingers through his and looks back up at him through her lashes, her bottom lip getting captured between her teeth.

Clarke’s blue eyes are like two oceans swirling with a beautiful emotion he never truly thought he’d see directed at him. Bellamy just stares at her in wonder as he feels his heart pick up speed. He can’t help but think that maybe the Greeks and Romans were onto something in their perceptions of love. Because right now, her eyes are like eternity. In them, he can see the beginning of creation itself here at the edge of this post apocalyptic world. And he feels like he could challenge the fucking cosmos itself. But where their stories ended in tragedy at the hands of the gods, he and Clarke simply laughed at them. Because she’s right, no amount of time or distance can keep them from each other.

And he doesn’t really give a damn about how sappy that sounds.

Even though her bottom lip is still being held, the corners of her mouth slowly lift up. As always, Bellamy’s body responds to her silent call and his own lips curve before he grabs the back of her head and pulls her mouth back to his.

He’s gentler this time as he slants his mouth over hers, wanting to savor every second of it. Over six years of longing, suffering, and heartache pass between them but it was all worth it now. His hands leisurely peruse over her as he tries to touch every part of her in a way that he’s never been allowed to before. Her fingers do the same as she traces the planes of his face, runs them down the side of his neck before sliding them up into his hair.

Everywhere she touches, she leaves a trail of wildfire in her wake and the sighs of pleasure she lets out fill him with a heat inside that’s as strong as lava, changing the very foundation of who he is. And he’s so sure he’s going to combust, turning to nothing but ash. But Bellamy can’t stop, doesn’t _want_ to stop. He’s more than happy to burn for her. Because it’s the kind of burn that those fires are used for to get rid of old vegetation so that something new can grow there. He can feel her pulling out the pain and darkness in him with every swipe of her tongue against his, replacing it with something wonderful and light just as he’s doing for her.

Taking her bottom lip between his teeth, he bites down on the plump flesh before sucking on it like it’s ambrosia from the gods. Letting go, he dives back into the warmth of her mouth and gets carried away in the hypnotic way her tongue moves against his. 

So, of course that’s when Bellamy hears Monty call his name. He breaks away from Clarke with a groan and rests his forehead against hers as they catch their breath. Her hands drop away from him and he almost wants to tell Monty that whatever he wants to talk to Bellamy about, he can figure it out on his own for a bit. But he knows that’s not possible so he reluctantly steps away from Clarke while his will is strong enough.

When Bellamy takes in her swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and sparkling eyes, he feels a male satisfaction at knowing he’s the one who caused her to look like that. He lets his eyes rake down her body before slowly meeting her gaze again, a predatory gleam in them. Arching a brow at her, he says in a low voice, “we’re not done here, Clarke.” 

She presses her swollen lips together and cants her head to the side, her blonde hair falling across her pink cheek. “I would hope not.”  

The grin he gives her is feral as he swoops down to kiss her hard before stepping back and turning to go find Monty. Because the sooner he leaves, the sooner he can return to her. Just like he always does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that didn’t suck!
> 
> With the way the show’s having so many silent conversations being passed between these two this season, I decided to have them show each other their love instead of speak it at this point in time.


	4. Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is a reaction scene to Clarke running with Madi WITHOUT telling anyone. Because, why not? 
> 
> While I know this won’t actually happen and may be a bit OOC for Miller, it’s a different spin on the scenario than other versions I’ve read and I enjoyed writing it. [shrug]
> 
> Bellamy POV

Bellamy is woken up by the sound of running and yelling. He and Echo jump up and grab their weapons before they run outside. They follow the noise to the edge of the camp only to find Miller running straight towards them.

 “Miller, what’s wrong?” he asks, lowering his gun slightly.

The grim look on the other man’s face has his heart picking up speed and a knot forming in his gut. Because he knows… he knows what Miller’s going to say.

He pulls his eyes away and starts searching the camp. “Where’s Clarke?” he demands, turning back to Miller. Out of his peripheral, he sees the other three tense, but he’s too focused on the deepening frown on his old second’s face.

 “She ran,” Miller tells him point blank. 

Bellamy surges forward and grabs Miller by the collar. The others let out noises of surprise, but Miller stays calm, most likely expecting this kind of reaction.

“ _What do you mean she ran?_ ” Bellamy growls furiously.

“Exactly what I’m telling you, Bellamy,” the other man replies. “She and the girl took the rover and left. The guards who were assigned to it were knocked out and by the time anyone realized what was going on, it was too late.”

Bellamy recoils like he was struck and lets go. He starts shaking his head as he steps away from the soldier. There’s a feeling of betrayal so sharp digging in his chest and he’s suddenly transported back to another time where he had begged her to stay as they stood outside of Arkadia and she’d left him then too.

He’s pretty sure the pain on his face is clear because Miller’s staring back at him with a sympathetic look and Bellamy suspects that he’s remembering the same thing. Miller opens his mouth and Bellamy thinks he’s going to comment on it, but instead he says, “be glad she got away, Bellamy. You know what would have happened otherwise.”

“ _No_. I wouldn’t-”

 “Wouldn’t have what?” Miller interrupts. “Allowed it? You’d have stopped it?” He gives Bellamy a look like he feels sorry for him. “You’d have been just as powerless as the rest of us. Clarke is now an enemy of Wonkru.” 

He feels a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off as something occurs to him. “Who helped her, Miller?” he seethes.

Miller’s dark eyes meet his own and he says, “as far as we know, she was alone. She held Gaia at knife point and threatened to slit her throat, but nothing else is suspicious.”

Bellamy’s eyes narrow as he reads between the lines and takes in the penetrating stare of the other man. Looking around quickly, he drags Miller to one of the more secluded buildings, the other three following. When Monty is stationed at the door, Bellamy turns back to Miller.

“What’d you do?” he breathes.

“I didn’t do anything. All I did was conveniently not cross paths with her while perhaps going over who’s posted where out loud and then had to go to the bathroom,” Miller replies honestly.

But when Bellamy’s eyes remain slits, Miller sighs and whispers, “ran into her as they were leaving, she gave me the run down, I turned the other way.”

While Bellamy’s grateful for Miller’s discrete help, it does nothing to dull the anger and panic over Clarke having left. “You couldn’t have told me?” he hisses.

Miller crosses his arms. “She told me not to. Your responses needed to be genuine for plausible deniability. I happened to agree with her.”

Bellamy’s hands are fisted at his sides and his jaw is clenching so hard he’s surprised his teeth haven’t cracked. He looks away as he tries to get himself under control.

“You should be grateful,” the guard says in a quiet voice.

Bellamy whips his head back to the man with pure rage burning in his eyes. “Do _not_ fucking tell me to be grateful over the fact that Clarke is gone with just a twelve year old for her backup,” he seethes. 

Squaring his jaw, Miller says, “be _grateful_ for the fact that she did what she always does and made the hard decision. She didn’t tell you so you wouldn’t have to choose her over your sister.” 

“Is that what she said?” he sneers. And he knows he’s acting irrational in his anger, but it’s so much better to focus on that than the gaping pit growing in his chest that promises so much pain. 

“Yeah, it is,” Miller snaps. “She chose her kid. She said to tell you that she made the decision and bore it so you wouldn’t have to. To remind you, _the heart and the head_.” 

He inhales sharply through his nose and he knows that it won’t be much longer that he can avoid that abyss of pain. He can feel the other’s eyes on him, but it’s a distant awareness, one he ignores.

“So just remember how _Blodreina_ acted around Madi before you choose how to feel about Clarke’s decision,” Miller tells him sagely.

“Octavia-” 

Miller suddenly gets up in his face. “Octavia is _gone_ , Bellamy. You can lie to yourself, but don’t fucking lie to me,” he snarls. “You weren’t _here._  You’ve no idea what she did in order gain control over the fighting clans. What we’ve had to do to survive down there while you guys got to sit on your asses on the rig.”

“Watch it,” Echo warns.

 Miller’s eyes flick to her before glancing at Monty and Harper. He shakes his head and scoffs, returning his glare to Bellamy.

“Be as offended as you want. But it’s the truth. Because unlike you all,” he hisses, gesturing to them all with a finger. “I have had to watch three hundred and eighty six pit deaths. I have had to stand and watch and not react and survive all while trying to keep my fucking humanity.”

He raises his brow at the others in challenge to contradict him and when they remain quiet, he again looks back at Bellamy.

“And since everyone else is pussy footing around you, _I’ll_ tell you the truth,” he says. “You _know_ she was about to kill Kane when you and Clarke showed up. I may not have known you as long as these guys, but I _do_ know this. You only live for others, Bellamy Blake. When we first landed, it was your sister, then it was Clarke, _then_ when you thought she was dead, I bet you held onto the fact that your sister made it to the bunker so it went back to her.”

Bellamy remains perfectly still even though his heart thunders in his ears at how close to the truth that is.

Miller leans away when he sees the look in Bellamy’s eyes. “You’re living for the wrong person this time, Bellamy. Octavia is the one who died while Clarke lived. If you don’t come to grips with that soon...” he gives a tired, one-shoulder shrug and sighs, “you’re gonna lose them both. Because I’ll tell you now that _Blodreina_ _will_ go after Clarke herself the next time they meet. The queen won’t stop until the princess is dead.”

His dark eyes are willing Bellamy to understand as he lowers his voice and says, “I know I said we can’t do whatever the hell we want here, and that’s still true, but the time _is_ coming to choose. And we all know that the princess _needs_ to live in order for us to have any chance of surviving this.” 

With that, Miller turns and walks away from them.

Bellamy can only stand there as his blood goes cold, Miller’s words playing on a loop in his head.

  _The queen won’t stop until the princess is dead._

Just the thought of Octavia killing Clarke, of her black blood pooling around her cold body and those blue eyes staring at nothing, makes Bellamy so violently ill that he has to brace his hands on his knees in order not to puke.

Clarke _cannot_ die. But now he has no way to help her and all he can think about is her twitching on the ground from that fucking shock collar and his sister killing twelve people because they wanted to take Diyosa’s offer of peace.

“Bellamy,” Echo says, placing a hand on the back of his neck in an offer of comfort. 

But for some reason, her touch is the exact opposite of what he wants, what he _needs_ , right now and he quickly straightens, pulling away from her. He can see something flash in her eyes and she gives him a look he doesn’t have the capability of deciphering with the way his thoughts consumed with Clarke and Octavia.

”I just... I’ll be back in a bit. Then we’ll figure out what to do,” he tells her. 

She purses her lips slightly as if realizing something but just tilts her head in acquisition. 

Turning to Monty and Harper, he nods. 

“She’ll be okay, Bellamy,” Harper tells him. “She won’t be alone this time.”

He tries to smile, but it turns into more of a grimace. Still he knows she’s right. 

“Yeah,” Monty says, clapping him on the back, “we’ll wait for you to get back.” 

 He turns and heads as far away from the others in the ruins of Polis as he can without causing suspicion.

He wonders if reincarnation is real and if he and Clarke knew each other in a past life and committed some sort of atrocity that they’re now being punished by constantly being separated. Or maybe there are gods and they find pulling them apart only to bring them back together then repeating the cycle to be amusing to them. Regardless of why or how, Bellamy for one is completely and one hundred percent _done_ with this bullshit.

 He knows he needs to get it together and use his head. But right now, his head is chanting the same thing his heart is. 

_She left me, she left me, she left me ._

However, he also knows that’s not exactly true. She chose to leave to protect Madi the same way he chose to go to get back to Murphy and Raven. And while she was able to choose to go with him because she knew Madi was safe with the others, he was being pulled in separate directions. The realization that they have allegiances now that are separate from each other hits him hard and the more he thinks on that, the more his body tries to shy away from it. 

Because after he’d rescued Clarke, Bellamy felt like he could breathe again for the first time since they’d left her behind. He felt like himself, whole. Or as close to whole for someone as broken as himself could feel. While there were times where it felt new and different, there was still an easiness that was as natural as breathing. But then she’d started pulling back when the others had arrived and he could practically see the sudden chasm between them. One that grew with each passing day and he couldn’t figure out why. A small voice niggled at him that asked if he was sure about that, but he wasn’t sure what the hell it was referring to.

But this is so much worse. He’d much rather deal with her evasiveness than not have her with him at all. He’s oddly reminded of that Nietzsche quote because he can certainly feel this abyss of pain staring back at him. He hates not knowing what’s happening to her, what _could_ happen to her. Because this isn’t like when she went to find herself. He knows she can protect herself and Madi can protect her, but he feels like that’s _his_ job. That’s always how it’s been when they’ve fought whatever obstacle or foe that’s been thrown at them. He has to fight with everything he has against the visceral need to go after her.  

He knows Miller’s right. Bellamy lost Octavia the day Lincoln was shot. He’s been holding on to their last conversation and the hope that he could repair them with such a fierce desperation that it’s been hard to let it go. The only time he saw his sister since they’ve been reunited was when she jumped in his arms and hugged him.

But since then, he’s tried and tried to get her to see a different course and stop fighting, but no matter what he says, no matter how much he begs, she’s refused to listen. And he doesn’t know what to do anymore.

While Clarke has been his touchstone, his constant support, the woman who shares his blood has blamed him for starting a war when all he’d done was rescue her and the others from the bunker and then threatened to kill him should he defy her.

And unlike how he felt years ago, where he believed he wasn’t worth anything, he knows now he deserves more than that. That isn’t what a family does. And it absolutely _kills_ him to even think that. 

_Every stupid thing you did, it was to protect your sister. She didn’t always see that, but I did._

He’d done everything he could before _Praimfaya_ to earn Octavia’s love and forgiveness again. And he got it, at the end of world. But he can’t risk losing the people he has now by holding onto a ghost. She’s an adult, has been one for a long time, and she can’t be his responsibility anymore.

So Bellamy looks out at the horizon and he chooses.

“May we meet again.”

To Clarke, who he’ll fight tooth and nail for to get back to so she doesn’t have to finish this alone and so that they can get the others. To Octavia, that should there be something after this life, he finds her there and they can finally be together again. 

Turning around, he makes his way back to others. He tucks his heart away and starts planning on what their next step will be and preparing himself for the inevitable confrontation with the leader of Wonkru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of feel like Bellamy could be The 100’s version of Jon Snow in that he’ll know nothing during these next two episodes in regards to not only facing his true feelings for Clarke, but also acting on them.  
> So I can see him needing that external situation/problem pushing him towards that realization and/or an outside perspective telling him this is what they what see and know about the two of them and he starts reflecting on it. Hence, why I chose Miller b/c he has no allegiance to sparing his and Echo’s feelings the way Monty or Harper or Spacekru do.


	5. Not Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 5x06. Bellamy and Clarke have a discussion when he finds her talking to Gaia and keeping secrets from him.
> 
> A more in depth convo about how Clarke feels like an outsider and Bellamy fully realizing that they’ve got different allegiances.
> 
> Bellamy POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Peeks around a corner and throws this ball of angst at you before running away.]
> 
> I’m sorry! But I just had to give you guys a little more angst! If you’ve read my other fic, you’ll know that’s my jam and jelly!

When Bellamy comes across Clarke talking in hushed tones with Gaia, his guard goes up immediately. He quickly makes his way over to the pair, ready to help, but is taken aback when they both stop talking at his arrival. After a moment, they turn back to each other and nod silently before Gaia’s eyes find Bellamy’s.

“Bellamy kom Skaikru,” she says with a nod of her head before making her way towards where Madi is.

Looking at Clarke in confusion, he sees her expression is completely blank as she glances at him before watching Madi.

“What was that?” he asks quietly.

“It was nothing,” she replies evenly, her eyes not meeting his.

“I don’t believe you, Clarke,” he hisses, trying his best not to bring attention to them.

“Believe what you want,” she tells him.

And with that, Bellamy has had enough of her evasiveness. He leans down and whispers, “I need to talk to you. _Now._ ”

She finally meets his eyes and the steel in them tells her he _will_ make a scene if she doesn’t come with him. Her jaw clenches and she glances at Madi once more before turning on her heel and stalking away, Bellamy right behind her.

When they get to an empty room, she faces him with her arms crossed.

“What?” she asks impatiently.

“What are you doing, Clarke?” he demands, mirroring her pose.

“I’m doing whatever I can to keep Madi safe,” she hisses.

“And that’s talking to someone in Octavia’s inner circle? Trusting the Flamekeeper?” Bellamy asks angrily.

“I don’t have many options here, Bellamy,” she snaps, her blue eyes blazing. “And no, I don’t trust her because I don’t _know_ her. But I do know that while she may be a _fleimkepa_ , she’s still rooted in her beliefs and sacred duties. She wants to _protect_ , Madi. Not force the Flame on her. And that’s the kind of devotion I need in an ally.”

“ _We_ can protect her,” he reminds her.

She gives him a look that says she doesn’t believe him and it stings.

“You don’t think we will?” he asks.

“No.”

The point blank refusal is a literal punch to the gut and he knows the expression on his face shows his hurt because she explains.

“I think you’re being pulled in three different directions. And you can offer such assurances as much as you want, but when it comes down to it, you’re always going to choose your spacekru family. Just like I’ll always choose Madi.”

Bellamy can only stare at her as he tries to register what she’s just told him. What the fuck? Does she honestly think that? Is she forgetting that he was ready to have almost three hundred people killed for her?

“I told you that Octavia’s the one who’s dangerous. You _know_ this. But it’s too late to leave now that Madi naïvely bound herself to Wonkru,” she says, spitting out the last part.

“You’d have risked that? Even when Diyoza would have killed you?” he growls, thinking back to the burn marks around her neck from the shock collar.

She looks away as her jaw works side to side. When she turns back to him, her eyes are like frost.

“Without a doubt,” she replies evenly.

Bellamy recoils like she just slapped him. He can absolutely understand her need to protect Madi, because he’s been there with Octavia.  But what he can’t accept is the fact that she’d so easily give her life away without even caring about how that would destroy, not just Madi, but the rest of them.

“So, you’d have been fine with just… just leaving us?” he asks, unable to hide the hurt on his face. “Leaving _me_? After I just got you back?”

He sees pain slip into her eyes before she looks away again. She doesn’t say anything for a long time as she collects herself. When she finally meets his stare once more, he can see the shuttered look in them, completely blocking him out of her thoughts. And that’s somehow worse than the ice from a minute earlier.

“Yes. You did what I said had to be done. You’re using your head. And your heart is already being taken care of, so you’ve no need for me. Madi does. She always will,” she says, her tone eerily blank.

Bellamy can only gape at her. No need for her? He starts shaking his head in disagreement without realizing he’s even doing it. Anger wells up inside him as he thinks about what she was willing to do.

“So… what? We’re not family anymore?” Bellamy asks in a strangled voice.

She presses her lips together before quietly saying, “we both know I’m not.”

“What the fuck does that mean, Clarke?” he snaps.

Ire builds in her eyes again at his tone. “It _means_ that when you all look at me, you see a ghost!” she retorts, throwing her hands up with frustration. “You look at me with this haunted expression and you can’t come to terms that I’m _alive!_ That I’ve _always been alive_! And that I’ve changed too! You say six years is a long time yet you’re trying to keep me in this box and asking me to be the same person I was!”

He blinks at her in stunned silence as she continues.

“And you just… expect me to come with you and be _right there_ for you when you need me to, but when I’m not, it’s suddenly baffling! Like it never even crossed your mind that I’d choose something different,” she says, the hard facade crumbling with each word.

She breathes heavily as the emotions that she’s been trying so hard to ignore finally break free.

“You think seeing your sister like this hard for you?” Clarke asks, her voice a strained whisper. “What about me, Bellamy? I don’t…,” she presses her lips together again and shakes her head, “I don’t know _any of you_ anymore.”

Her blue eyes are so heartbroken as she looks at him. “Do you know how lonely that is? How _intimidating_ it is to watch everyone I once knew have these bonds and relationships that I’ll never be a part of? How I’ve waited six years for you only to be met with strangers? Yet I’m the one who’s supposed to go along with it while still not truly being allowed in by you all? While you get to be happy with your family and your...” She snaps her mouth shut and clenches her jaw. “Tell me, how the fuck is that fair?”

Bellamy’s throat tightens and he tries to swallow past the lump that’s formed. Is that what she thinks he’s been doing? Has he been doing that and just not realizing? “Clarke… that’s not… I never meant to do that.”

She crosses her arms and looks off to the side. 

“You _are_ my family, Clarke,” he tells her quietly.

“No,” she disagrees with a shake of her head, still not looking at him. “The Clarke you were forced to leave behind in order to survive Praimfaya is the one you consider your family. And you won’t let go of her in order to see me.”

“ _Clarke-”_

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for the devotion and love you have for your family, Bellamy,” she interrupts, her eyes moving to a spot over his shoulder. “But I am saying that you can’t keep pretending that everything’s the same yet constantly throwing how it’s actually not back in my face like I’m nothing.”

“We didn’t mean-“

“But you still  _did it,_ ” she snaps again, her eyes flaring as she looks back at him. “I wasn’t a part of the plan to have Echo defect. Or with whatever plans you made with Monty. Yet you didn’t see me arguing with you about being left out the way you just did with me.”

Shame curls in his stomach at the realization that she’s right. He’s so used to doing things without her that he didn’t even consider bringing her in. He also can’t believe he hasn’t even noticed how much she’s been hurting. And he hates that he’s caused her this pain. That after all this time of being without her, he hasn’t truly accepted she’s back in his life. That’s all he’s wanted and now that he’s gotten it, he’s fucking it up. His shoulders slump slightly and he looks at her beseechingly.

“I’m  _so sorry_ , Clarke,” he says stepping closer to her, agony burning in his voice. “Please don’t ever feel like we don’t want you. That _I_ don’t want you.” 

She glances at him and the vulnerability he sees makes him want to fall to his knees.

“I won’t… I won’t do that anymore, Clarke,” he promises. “Ok? We’ll get through this. Together, like always.”

Bellamy hopes that those words will bring comfort to her, let her know that he’ll _still_ have her back. But his heart beats an uneven rhythm when he sees the way her eyes squint slightly as if in pain.

“You know we can’t be like that anymore,” she says sadly.

For a moment, all he can do is stare at her, not wanting to believe what she just said. He can feel this gaping hurt start to spread through him, numbing his fingertips and making his head feel like he’s been under water too long.

“What… what does that mean? Why are you saying that, Clarke?” he whispers, unable to hide the raw hurt in his voice.

Again, she averts her eyes from him. She swallows hard and her own voice is thick when she says, “because you already have your person, Bellamy. You’ve shown me that time and again.” Looking back at him, he can see the pain he feels reflected in ocean blue eyes shiny with tears. “And she’s not me.”

Something visceral and primal inside of Bellamy rages against her declaration, demanding him to deny her words. Howling that no, _she’s_ his person. She has _always been_ his person and _always will be_ his person. But a logical part of him knows she’s right. She’s not his and he currently belongs to another. And that knowledge has him suddenly waging war against himself.

“I need to get back to Madi,” Clarke says, blinking hard. She rushes past him and out the door before he can say another word.

And Bellamy is left standing there wondering why, if he truly is with Echo, does he feel like he just lost everything he’s ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think Clarke will ever throw B/echo in Bellamy’s face when she’s the one who brought Echo with them in the first place AND Clexa, so don’t plan on seeing that drama from me. 
> 
> Cross my heart, I’ll give you some fluffy Bellarke next time or a B/echo split. Your choice.


	6. Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> B/echo split with Bellamy inner monologue. 
> 
> I did A LOT of reading on what others think in regards to these two breaking up and the meta/reasons behind it. Although I’m not entirely sold that Clarke will be the sole or even real reason they split. But I don’t have enough info to write a scenario that includes other stuff, so we’ll go w/ just Clarke.

As Bellamy looks out at the small village, he hears someone behind him and turns to find Echo. She comes up next to him and he’s about to put his arm around her when he notices her stuff posture. He knows it means she doesn’t want to be touched so they stand in silence while he waits for her to tell him what’s on her mind.

”I think we both knew,” she says quietly as she stares straight ahead, “in our heart of hearts, that what we have can’t last on the ground.” 

Bellamy’s head snaps towards her in surprise, not expecting her to say that.

“What?”

“We’d thought we would only be dealing with your sister when we came back,” she explains to him, finally turning to meet his bewildered eyes. “But neither of us could have predicted Clarke was still alive.”

“What...” he hesitates, his tongue coming out to lick his lips nervously, “what about Clarke?”

 Echo swallows hard and there’s only a small waver in her voice as she says, “I’m trying to tell you that while I don’t doubt your feelings for me, they’re but a flicker of a flame compared to how you feel for her. She is your sun.”

Bellamy can feel his throat trying to work and his mouth trying to formulate words, but it takes him a minute before he can actually reply to that. “My sun?” he croaks.

“Yes,” she replies with a slow nod. “She shines so bright in your heart that she’s all you see. She consumes you.”

He looks away from her at that sentiment, not sure how to feel about it. A wave of exhaustion suddenly hits Bellamy, emotionally, physically, mentally. It all presses down on him and he feels like he’s going to collapse under the weight of it. He goes to take a seat on one of the steps and Echo joins him a moment later. 

He stares at her with a desperate look on his face and rasps, “I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you.”

She gives him a sad smile and reaches for his hand. “I won’t lie, it will hurt for awhile. But I’ll live.” When he squeezes it, she puts her other hand on top of his. “However, it would hurt so much worse if you stayed with me yet she’d be the one who’s first in your thoughts.”

He’s about to argue that that wouldn’t happen when suddenly, Raven’s voice fills his head.

_Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina._

Taking a moment, he let those words roll through his head. Even though it was A.L.I.E trying to get a rise out of him, Bellamy can admit there was a truth behind the words. Maybe... maybe it’s the same for Echo in some degree. He’s honestly not sure of anything anymore.

“We’re both aware that if you had known she was alive, you would have waited for her. I was fine with sharing you with a ghost, but she’s not. She’s alive and breathing and if you know she’s somewhere, _anywhere_ , on this earth, you will always run to her,” she whispers. “You already have. And not just when we first landed.”

He pulls away from her to put his head in hands, letting out a long sigh. He wishes he could deny it and tell her that he’d do the same for the others. And while he has, if it came down to a situation where one of the others were in trouble at the same time Clarke was and the odds of rescuing each were fairly even...he knows he’d send the rest to help the other while he himself went after Clarke.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry because he knows it’s true, that he couldn’t keep his promise about nothing changing once they got back. Sorry for putting two women he deeply cares about in such an uncomfortable nd hurtful situation because he loves them both.

“You shouldn’t have to apologize for loving who you love,” she tells him in a strained voice.

Love… Bellamy lets that word roll around in his head. Does he even know what that is? Truly? Has he really _ever_ known outside of his mother and Octavia? And even those loves were pretty one sided. His mother put his six year old self in charge of his infant sister, forcing him to give up so many of his dreams and relationships. And Octavia loved him... until she didn’t want the type of love he had to give her and then resented him for so many things. He loves Echo, but it’s the quiet kind that was built in a time of isolation, healing, and peace.

They’d found each other cages yes, but this isn’t a cage. This is Earth, with it’s endless struggles and pain and freedom.

Bellamy wonders if that’s actually love. The kind between a man and a woman, not just family. Because shouldn’t that kind of love be unbreakable and able to withstand any environment? And it’s that question that makes Bellamy realize that deep down, he knows. He knows what love is. 

It’s being offered the vastness of the world and having nothing holding you back from taking it except the tie you feel to someone that keeps you wanting to stay in place. It’s sticking by someone no matter what either of you have done to each other, in times of peace and war. It’s holding their hand as you stand shoulder to shoulder covered in blood, sweat, and tears and weary to the bone from fighting yet somehow feeling completely rejuvenated because they’re by your side. It’s knowing you’ll always need that person in your life because without them, you’re not you.

It’s a man looking down at a burning planet wishing for a woman with hair like the sun while that same woman stares back up at the stars hoping for the man with midnight locks to come back to her.

It’s being in the underground with Octavia, Pike, and Murphy. _We’re not leaving. Clarke’s in trouble._ It’s standing before her begging her to stay with him after Mt. Weather. _If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven. Please come inside._ It’s disguising as an Azgedan and trying to follow her even when he could barely walk. _We can’t lose Clarke!_ It’s a list of a hundred names. _If I’m on that list, you’re on that list._ It’s being held a sword point by Roan. _I’ll do anything! I’ll stop fighting! Just please don’t kill him!_ It’s them side by side talking about Octavia. _She’ll come around and see how special you are._ It’s Jaha telling him he keeps Clarke centered and she’s lucky to have him.  _You got that backwards._

It’s _I need you, I trust you, I’m here for you, I believe you, I can’t lose you too, you don’t have to do this alone._

_Together._

The love he has for Echo was made for the blackness of space, still and directionless. While what he feels for Clarke was born right here on the ground and she’s his magnetic north, always pulling him towards her. And the unobtainability of space between his fingers simply can’t compete with the solidness of the earth beneath his boots. 

He feels a bitter sense of humor at how much like Narcissus he is. Except instead of falling in love with his reflection over Echo, he’s fallen in love with Clarke. Because when he thinks of himself, he thinks of her. She’s the other half of him. She’s ingrained in his very DNA. Even after six years of being apart and them relearning each other, even though he’s known Echo longer than he has Clarke, she’s still a part of him and he knows she always will be.

And Echo deserves to find someone who will love her with their entire being, not just half. 

Looking back up at her, Bellamy meets her tear filled eyes and he hates seeing her so sad. They’ve helped each other slowly heal and look at the past without crippling self loathing. She knows him in ways no one else can. And part of him wishes he didn’t have to hurt her, wishes what he felt for her was enough, that nothing had to change. Because with Echo, he’s just Bellamy. He’s not the man who killed hundreds of people and was constantly waging war and losing everyone he tried to protect. It was easier, simpler.

Except the larger, more desperate part of Bellamy wants a woman with eyes like the sky and a forgiving heart who has never looked at him with anything other than understanding and acceptance since Dax. The woman who cared for him in ways he’d never experienced. Who took the mangled, broken pieces of him and began to work tirelessly on putting him back together even when he didn’t want her to, adding her light into the darkest parts of him. Perhaps Echo simply helped finish what Clarke started. Because he can’t deny his feelings for Clarke to Echo. She saw how long and how deeply he’d mourned for Clarke on the ring. Clarke’s the reason he finally decided to forgive Echo in the first place, because if she could see the woman beneath the Azgedan spy, then he could too.

Bellamy accepts that he and Clarke work better than he and Echo in times of turbulence. And Earth is always going to be like that. He can admit to himself that he _needs_ the stability Clarke can give him when it comes down to making the hard choices. She understands what it’s like to bear that kind of burden. Echo numbs herself off like a true warrior and will do what has to be done. Even if it means not always consulting others or risking her relationships in the process, because the spy in her so used to working alone. 

He clears his throat a little and says, “you know this won’t affect how the others feel about you. You’re still a part of this family, Echo. _I_ don’t want you to go.” 

The small, grateful smile she gives him lets him know he said the right thing, that she still belongs. He learned how isolated Clarke felt about being an outsider and he doesn’t want Echo to think that now _she’s_ the outsider. 

She reaches across and runs her fingers down his cheek. Bellamy catches her hand and kisses her knuckles in a silent goodbye to what they had before letting it go. She gets up without another word and he can only watch her as she goes, his mind and his heart trying to come to terms with everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not my favorite and I’ll probably add more when it comes to me (because I’m THAT anal retentive lol) but I like his introspection a lot. 
> 
> I’m thinking of doing a Hakeldama 2.0, kind of a part two to the last chapter. With tears and yelling and just fucking agony. What’re your thoughts?


	7. And We Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 5x07 Bellarke convo where Clarke basically confronts Bellamy about his rashness. 
> 
> While I know it wasn’t intentional or probably what he meant, it still lit a fire in my belly. 
> 
> Clarke is savage AF in the beginning so she may be a bit OOC for some of you, but I don’t care because I fucking need this. 
> 
> @not-yourfuckingprincess thank you for letting me run this by you, you beautiful Chilean sun goddess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a ton of angsty feels and frustration.
> 
> You’ve been warned.
> 
> Clarke POV

As Clarke walks out of the room after talking to Diyoza, she tries to keep the tears at bay. But thinking about everything just makes her feel worse and as her breathing becomes ragged, she knows she’s officially reached her breaking point. Not wanting to risk Madi seeing her like this, Clarke quickly ducks down the nearest hallway and finds a small, deserted alcove just as the first sob rips from her throat.  
  
She puts her hands over her mouth to try and stifle the pitiful sounds that are fighting their way to escape. She falls back against the cold cement wall and slides down to the floor. Tears burn in her eyes and dampen her hands as she continues to muffle her sobs.  
  
That whole conversation has made Clarke realize just how much Bellamy has changed. And how much he hasn’t.  
  
The fact that he so carelessly tossed Madi and her safety aside in his need to save Echo makes Clarke want to grab Madi and run as far from him as she can. That he didn’t even ask why Madi was _alone_ with Octavia or wait for her to explain before putting his wants first. 

She scrambles up off the floor when footsteps approach her and she knows, she fucking _knows_ , who it is without even looking. God, why couldn’t he just leave her alone ? Does she look like she wants company right now? Much less _his_ ?  
  
“Clarke.”  
  
She keeps her eyes down and blatantly ignores him, hoping he’ll just go away.  
  
“I’m sorry, Clarke,” he says quietly. “I just… all of this…. We needed to get to Echo and the others.”

At hearing her name again, Clarke’s control blows away like smoke on a breeze. She has nothing against the Azgedan personally, but the way Bellamy is constantly placing her life above everyone else’s is ridiculous.

“Let’s get one thing straight,” she snaps, her eyes burning as she finally looks at him. His own eyes widen and fill with guilt as he sees the evidence of her tears. “Since you so casually told me we don’t have time for Madi because Echo is going to die, let me tell you something.” Her eyes narrow to slits as she hisses, “I don’t give a _fuck_ about Echo right now.”

Bellamy goes completely still at her words, his dark ocher eyes unable to hide the shock and the small stirring of guilt in them.

 _“_ Do you know why? Because _Echo_ is a grown ass woman, a _trained spy_ , who can take care of herself.” She lets her anger course through as she steps towards him with her hands clenched tightly at her sides, snarling, “ _Echo_ isn’t a twelve year old girl who just made a deal with the fucking devil!”

He gapes slightly at her, disconcerted at the pure wrath on her face. It takes a moment for him to find his voice before he breathes, “what?”

Her lip curls and she’s surprised her eyes haven’t burned the world with as much red as she sees. “Octavia has a new second should they march on the valley,” she growls. “Guess who she plans to have stand by her side to fight against Diyoza’s men and those fucking body disintegrator guns with only a _damn sword._ ”

 Horror washes over Bellamy’s face as comprehension dawns on him. “No,” he breathes.

 “ _Yes_ ,” she says between clenched teeth as she fights back the overwhelming fear trying to consume her. “Madi showed just how well of a fighter she truly is during novitiate their training, against my _and_ Gaia’s orders to appear weak, and Octavia swooped in with the offer before either of us could stop her. And Madi fucking agreed. In front of more than a dozen witnesses.”

Her chest heaves as she spits, “so you’re not the only one who has family in immediate danger and wants to grab them and run like hell away from all this. But you couldn’t be bothered to listen for five seconds, could you? Because she’s not part of your family. Not Echo.”

Bellamy’s eyes flash at her accusation and his jaw clenches. “That's not what I meant when I said we didn’t have time. So don’t accuse me of such a thing. That’s not fair, Clarke.  
  
She can’t keep the hollow, humorless laugh inside her and spreads her arms. “Welcome back to Earth, Bellamy Blake,” she says sarcastically before sneering, “where _nothing_ has _ever_ been fair. This isn’t the ring.”  
  
Dropping her arms, she leans towards him and claps her hands. “So, _wake up_ ,” she snarls.  
  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Clarke?” Bellamy asks, snarling right back.  
  
“That it's not that hard to see how desperately you’re trying to keep everything from changing,” she snaps. “You’ve lived in your own little world for so long, you don’t know how to just go with the reality in front of you.”  
  
“Yeah, I am scared, Clarke!” he exclaims. “Is that so wrong? To have to adjust to all of this after the semblance of normalcy I’ve lived with for years? Of losing the only people I have left?”  
  
“And I just told you that you can’t keep holding on to what’s not there anymore or choose one group over the other! So get your damn house in order!” she retorts.  
  
The way he stares at her like he can’t comprehend this angry woman in front of him has her pressing her lips together to keep them from trembling.  
  
“Do you feel that?” Clarke asks instead in a broken voice. “That awful hurt where you wonder, _who is this person? I don’t know them_.”  
  
When he remains silent, her expression turns stony as she says, “Welcome to my life, Bellamy.”  
  
He grimaces in pain before his eyes harden. “I apologized, Clarke. I’m here trying to fix my mistake. What the fuck else do you want me to say?”  
  
Clarke can feel her own anger begin to rise and grabs onto it with both hands. She’d so much rather feel that familiar rage than the aching hurt that’s still looming above her like a tidal wave waiting to crash down on her.  
  
“I don’t want you to say anything. You’ve already shown me that when you feel trapped, you’re willing to cast aside _my_ family, a _child,_  to get what you want,” she hisses, feeling a dark satisfaction at watching him flinch ever so slightly. “Words are just words. Flimsy, cheap, and plentiful. But please, if that’s what makes you be able to feel better, by all means, keep going. Say anything you want to the ghost you see before you.”  
  
Bellamy stays silent though, his jaw clenching so hard that even from here, Clarke can see the muscles in his cheek pulsing.  
  
Having had enough, she decides to go find Madi. She doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone for so long, even with the knowledge that Harper or Gaia is supposedly watching her. She’s not in the mood to trust them so implicitly with Madi’s care. When she tries to get around him, however, a dark cloud passes over his face and he blocks her.  
  
“Don’t you dare, Clarke,” he growls. “Don’t you _dare_ run away from me again.”  
  
She can feel her nostrils flare in anger and decides to ignore him as she steps around him again. But instead of blocking her, his hand snaps out like a viper and latches on to her bicep with an unyielding hold.  
  
“Let me go,” Clarke hisses as she tries to wrench herself away from him.  
  
“ _No_ ,” he says fiercely, his eyes like black fire. “Never again.”  
  
“ _Yes_ , you fucking will!” Clarke seethes, pulling away again.  
  
Bellamy doesn’t listen to her and begins pulling her through the hallways of the bunker, ignoring both the stares they’re receiving from the others and her continued struggling. When Octavia steps in front of them and they jerk to a halt, she realizes that they’re heading topside.  
  
“Where are you going?” Octavia asks Bellamy, suspicion clear in her voice.  
  
“Clarke and I need to talk, Octavia,” he replies between clenched teeth.  
  
“No, we _don’t_ ,” Clarke hisses, still trying to pull her arm from his bruising grip.  
  
The look Bellamy gives her is so murderous that if she wasn’t just as angry, she knows she’d be cowering from him. The white hot rage coming from the two of them is so palpable that she’s slightly surprised that the air isn’t crackling.  
  
When he turns those black eyes back to his sister, Clarke does the same and she can see the recognition on Octavia’s face that her brother is hanging onto his control by a broken thread. So, the younger Blake steps aside and simply orders, “don’t go far.”  
  
“Not planning on it,” he growls, already on the move again.  
  
“Why are we going topside?” Clarke snaps once they’re away from the others, ceasing her attempt to get free. She knows a fight she can’t win when she sees one.  
  
“You want to have it out, Clarke? _Fine._ But I’m not doing it where the entire fucking bunker can hear us,” he tells her crossly.  
  
Clarke keeps quiet as they continue on. Stepping into the sun, Bellamy keeps dragging her until they’re far enough away to his liking. He finally lets her go and she shakes her arm, grateful for the blood flow that his iron grip had begun to cut off. When she scowls at him, she can see a glimmer of shame at having handled her so roughly, but it doesn’t lessen the steel.  
  
Crossing her arms, Clarke keeps silent. He’s the one who drug her up here, so he can start with whatever else he wants to say. She’s made her point.  
  
Bellamy starts pacing agitatedly in front of her. His voice is angry as he asks, “what am I supposed to do, Clarke?”

“Well for starters, you can get your head out of your ass and fucking listen to me when I tell you that your half baked plans won’t work,” she snaps.

That has him stopping in his tracks and looking at her. 

“This isn’t the hemorrhagic fever that the Grounders sent us, Bellamy,” she tells him forcefully. “These worms will destroy _everything_.”

“I know that, Clarke!” he roars. “Which is why-”

“Which is why they can’t leave those damn tanks in the first place!” she yells over him. “The heart and the head, Bellamy! Start using your fucking head!”

 He stares at her for a long time with an unreadable expression before his shoulders slump. Running a hand down his face, he closes his eyes and lets out a tired chuckle. When he opens them and meets her stare, a small, rueful smirk plays at the corners of his lips as he asks, “isn’t that what I have you for?”

Clarke is suddenly taken back six years where a younger Bellamy is standing in front of her with so many emotions swimming in his brown eyes that she wasn’t sure how she didn’t drown in them.  

_I got you for that._

The fact that he just referred to _that_ memory, after wanting to literally blow off everyone to go save Echo, causes a pain so sharp in her that she visibly flinches from it. Bellamy notices and his mouth turns down as something too quick for Clarke to discern flashes in his eyes before it’s gone.  

Before the silence now hanging between them can turn awkward, Clarke crosses her arms and arches a brow at him. Schooling her features into a mask of stern neutrality and asks, “so, are you going to actually listen to me and help break the cycle so _everyone_ can live? Not just our people?”

Taking a deep breath, Bellamy nods resolutely. But as she studies him, she can see the pain in his eyes at what that entails.

“She is not your sister,” she tells him forcefully, repeating his words back to him and letting him know that those are the words he’s going to have to keep as a mantra in order to do what has to be done. 

Clarke can see the hint of surprise on his face as she confirms that she had actually heard him when he told her that right before she ran down to Madi. The searching look he gives her calls to something inside of her and that part yearns to reach out and give him some type of physical reassurance and support with such an intensity that she can feel the tips of her fingers tingle. But she quickly shoves that feeling away and grips her arms tight enough to leave marks. He’s not hers to touch and she’s not strong enough to ignore that fact in order to give him what he needs. 

Bellamy must see something in her eyes because once again, there’s a flash of emotion that’s gone within the next blink. His jaw clenches and his own hands fist at his sides while he looks down, having to pull himself back together on his own.

“We don’t… I can’t….” Unable to finish his sentence, he swallows hard and runs a hand through his hair. But Clarke doesn’t need him to say anything else. She knows exactly what he’s requesting. Blodreina isn’t his sister, but that doesn’t mean he can make decisions on her fate completely unbiased. Because at the end of the day, underneath it all, she’s still Octavia. 

“For now, she just has to be taken out of the equation long enough to make this work nonviolently. That’s all we’re doing,” she says, reverting to the clinical tone she’d used so many times when fixing up serious injuries all those years ago. His shoulders relax slightly and she continues, “we’ll deal with everything else as they come. There are too many variables and wild cards to make one solid plan to stick by for the whole duration.”

He gives her a curt nod, still looking at nothing. In that moment, Clarke can see the scared, sad young man he once was with the weight of the world on his shoulders as he bears the pain of his sister’s actions. Her heart aches at that and she makes an impulsive decision she knows she’ll probably regret, but can’t seem to stop from spilling out of her mouth because all she can see is the Bellamy she stood next to on a dark beach who was trying so hard not to cry at how much his sister hated him.

“But,” she says in a quieter voice, “if something happens, if it does come to... _that_ … with her, and I’m there...” She pauses to take a steadying breath. “I will bear that burden so you don’t have to.”

His dark eyes snap to hers now and they stare at her with such intensity that she feels as if he’s looking into her very soul. But, she doesn’t back down and doesn’t look away. No matter how angry or upset she is at him, no matter how much she feels like she’s not able fully depend on him like she used to, she can’t stand by and not help with this. She can’t allow the potential death of his sister to be on his hands because she knows it will break him so thoroughly that no amount of help and time will ever be able to put him back together.

His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat several times and his eyes become shiny, but he keeps his composure. When he finally speaks, it sounds like he swallowed hot coals. “Clarke, I can’t as-”

“You’re not asking me to do anything. I’m telling you,” she interrupts briskly. “And I want to avoid that scenario as much as you do, so it may not even happen.”

Bellamy doesn’t reply, he just keeps staring at her like… well, she’s not quite sure. Kind of like when she killed Atom but with something more.

Ready to get back to Madi, Clarke gestures behind him and says, “we need to talk to Monty and Harper about the next step and I want to check on Madi.”

Bellamy blinks, his eyes coming back into focus before he nods in agreement. As she passes him though, his hand grabs onto her arm yet again, making her stop.

“Clarke,” he says quietly, “you know I’d never abandon Madi. Or you.”

Looking up into his eyes, she can see the earnestness in them. She wants so badly to believe him, to have someone on her side again that she can always rely on. But she knows she can’t. Not right now. Not after what she just witnessed with him. The cold, hard truth is that right now, she trusts _Gaia_ to protect Madi more than Bellamy.

“I guess we’ll just have to see when the time comes,” she replies, noting how his gaze fills with hurt and sadness at how bluntly she lets him know that she doesn’t believe him. But again, it’s the truth. If he means it, he’ll have to show it. When he sees that she won’t budge, he lowers his eyes in defeat.

This time when she pulls her arm away, he lets her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing and apologize to no one for this.


	8. Hard Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5x08 Bellamy reacting to Clarke’s arrest and his decision to give his sister the algae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’ALL I can’t even. I’m STILL just a giant goopy glob of feelings right now. 
> 
> Anywho, everyone’s writing post 5x08 stuff (which are all glorious) but I need to see the angst of Bellamy having to steel himself to poison his baby sister to save his wife. (.....andeverybodyelse BUT MOSTLY HIS WIFE) 
> 
> @not-yourfuckingprincess you’re a brown eyed angel fish for letting me spill my ideas onto you.

After Clarke and the others are gone, Bellamy stares at the tent flap unable to actually process what just happened as a faint ringing fills his ears. Time had slowed down as Clarke made him promise to keep Madi safe but as he stands there, it suddenly rushes forward, snapping him back into reality with enough force that the air whooshes out of his lungs. One word repeats itself over and over in his head as he struggles to breathe.

_No, no, no._

No, their efforts to stop all this war can’t have been for nothing. No, Clarke can’t have just been hauled away from and be sentenced for execution by his own sister.

Bellamy can feel the panic and desperation clawing up his throat like one of those disgusting worms. He knows if he doesn’t get his shit together _right now_ , he’s going to absolutely lose it. And that is the last thing any of them needs because that’s not going to help Clarke. His eyes squeeze shut as he uses every last bit of his strength to calm down. He can feel his blunt nails biting into his palms from how hard he’s clenching his fists and uses that pain to guide him out of inner turmoil.

When he opens his eyes, he looks around her tent and knows he won’t be able to hold onto what control he just regained if he spends another minute in here. Not with all of her and Madi’s small, personal touches and belongings as well as the underlying scent in it that’s _Clarke._ He needs somewhere that he can think clearly and rationally and not have to worry about encountering others. His legs begin to move on their own as he leaves the tent and take him back down to the bunker. Before he knows it, he’s in the blessedly empty agro-farm.

Unable to sit still, Bellamy begins to pace while he thinks. 

He knows Octavia has become too confident in her power if she thinks he’s going to stand aside and let her kill  _Clarke_ out of all people. Because just like he’ll protect O from anyone who threatens her, he’ll do the same for Clarke. But he also knows that while he was just barely able to get her to not kill Echo over things she did six years ago, there’s no chance of that happening with Clarke. She’s an official enemy of  _Wonkru_ now. 

Bellamy’s eyes land on the large jar containing Monty’s algae culture and Clarke’s voice suddenly whispers through his mind.

_Take her out._

But… that doesn’t necessarily mean they have to _kill_ Octavia. His breathing picks up as an idea starts to take root. They just need to take her _out_ _of the picture_ so that they can achieve this truce nonviolently.

Bellamy strides over to the container and stares down into it as what he’s thinking of doing truly hits him. He’ll have to _poison_ his own sister. Just the thought makes his very being repel in horror. He’s hurt Octavia so much emotionally that the last thing he ever wants to do is to hurt her physically as well. After this, the dwindling hope he’s held onto in regards of rekindling _some_ form of relationship with her will officially be lost to him. Because deep down, he knows she won’t ever forgive him for what she’ll view as the ultimate betrayal.

His eyes involuntarily close against the pain burning its way through his chest at that knowledge. It takes him several moments to breathe through it before he’s able to push it away. He admits that Clarke isn’t the only one who’s been letting their heart rule over their head. Bellamy’s been doing it as well in his instinctual need to protect Octavia from being killed. So, he forces his head to take over, and once he does, he can see that he now has to protect Clarke and everyone else  _from_ Octavia.

He’s tried everything he can think of to get through to the sister he loves to no avail. She’s backed him into a corner and he’s out of options and out of time. This is the only choice that he can somewhat live with.

_Only choice… an oxymoron._

His lips start to twitch upwards and he’s just about to turn his head to tell Clarke, when he remembers that Clarke _isn’t_ quietly standing next to him allowing him to gather his thoughts. She’s currently awaiting execution on the orders of his sister. Immediately, his face falls. Not able to control himself, his eyes slide to the left where she usually is and he stares at the empty space. If he doesn’t give Octavia the algae culture, that spot will once again be empty. He’s already felt the effect her absence has had on him and it’s not even been an hour. The part of him that belongs solely to Clarke is already keening in grief at the fact that she’s not here next to him. He can feel it’s phantom fingers desperately reaching out to find her, needing to reassure her that he won’t leave her again while simultaneously finding comfort in the warmth that’s always surrounding her. 

Bellamy knows without a doubt that he won’t be able to survive this time if he loses Clarke. He will break into a thousand pieces that can never be put back together. 

If Clarke is killed, that will be something _he’ll_ never forgive _Octavia_ for. Because picturing Clarke’s still, cold body on the floor of the pit surrounded by black blood as Octavia stands over it makes him tremble in a rage that’s almost beastly in its intensity. 

Taking a deep breath to calm down _yet again,_ he feels his resolve start to harden. If he doesn’t stop Octavia, she’ll kill Clarke. Then she’ll kill everyone else he loves that are currently in Shallow Valley with those worm eggs.

Now he just needs to figure out how to give the algae to Octavia.

He’s brought out of his musings when he hears Harper call his name. He turns to find her and Monty looking at him in concern.

“We brought some food,” she says, giving him one of the ration bars as she glances around. “Did Clarke go get Madi?”

At the mention of their names, Bellamy tenses. _He_ needs to go find Madi but he knows he can’t right now. He needs to deal with his sister first.

“What’s happened now?” Monty asks grimly, catching on to his reaction.

“We were wrong about Octavia using the worms on the valley,” he tells them, having to swallow the sick feeling in his throat before continuing. “She’s using their _eggs_.”

“What?” Harper breathes, her face contorting in disgusted horror.

Bellamy glances at Monty and sees he has a far off expression as he put the pieces together. As soon as he snaps back into focus, Monty’s dark eyes meet his own and he asks, “ _where’s Clarke?”_

“Octavia has sentenced her to be executed,” Bellamy replies, forcing the words out.

“No,” Harper gasps, her eyes becoming shiny. She shakes her head and steps back, as if distancing herself from Bellamy will make his words untrue. “No, that’s not... she can’t... no!”

“You can’t let her do that!” Monty exclaims angrily. “It’s _Clarke!_ Don’t tell me that you won’t kill Octavia, but you’ll let Clarke die _again!_ ”

“I’m not, Monty!” he snaps, fixing the other man with a hard stare. “You, out of all people, should know that I’m not going to let anything happen to Clarke if I can help it!”

The glare in Monty’s eyes dims as he catches onto what Bellamy’s saying; as he remembers back where desperate words were said in the woods of Azgedan territory.

Seeing the truth on Bellamy’s face, he nods and backs off. “Okay,” he says, taking a breath as he collects himself. “Okay, so what are you going to do?”

“I _can’t_ kill my sister, Monty,” he says quietly as he looks down at the green liquid and taps the container, “but she has to be stopped.” Turning his gaze back up, his expression turns desperate. “ _This_ is the only way to save them both. To save us _all_ without killing anymore people.”

Monty looks down at the culture then back up at him. “You want to put her in a coma.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows the pain that cuts his throat like glass, but his eyes stay determined and he nods.

“You’re truly willing to do that to Octavia?” Harper asks warily, as if not quite believing Bellamy. 

“Like I said, it’s the only choice I have left to save Clarke,” he replies through his teeth.

“How?” Monty asks. 

Bellamy looks down at the ration he’s still got in his hand and holds it up. “With this.” 

Without waiting for a response, he breaks off a piece that can easily be hidden in his hand. He then douses it in just enough of the culture that won’t hurt Octavia more than necessary and also so she won’t be able to taste it. Tucking the laced ration in the cuff of his left sleeve, he turns back to Monty and Harper. 

“Keep an eye on Madi,” he tells them. “If she asks about Clarke, say she’s with me and we’re doing last minute strategizing.”

They both nod before Harper quietly says, “be careful, Bellamy.”

“I’ll see you after,” he responds before heading out. 

With every step he takes towards Octavia’s council room, his will strengthens. It’s his responsibility to keep Octavia from doing something that she can’t come back from.

And as long as he’s breathing, Bellamy will do everything he can to make sure Clarke Griffin is too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t lie, this one was a bitch to write, but oh well. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I’m also thinking of writing his inner thoughts while he’s talking to O... does that sound like something that’d interest you?


	9. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke take advantage of the quiet moment they have to talk after they’re reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m alive!!
> 
> No yelling or screaming in this one. I just wanted an angsty conversation where they both know they screwed up, mainly Clarke, that ends in angsty fluff. So... if that’s not your cup of tea ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I’ve no idea when this is set in the finale. 
> 
> I struggled with trying to get this how I wanted after a huge bout of writer’s block. And I’m still not wholly satisfied, but that’s life. So I apologize in advance if it’s awful.

Unable to sleep, Bellamy decides to go outside, hoping to calm down all the tumultuous thoughts that won’t quiet down.

Stepping out of the tent, he’s hit by the crisp night air. The sky above is clear, the moon casting enough light that he doesn’t need a light to help him see where he steps through the forest.

Not too far ahead where the forest thins out on the edge of the clearing, Bellamy sees a lone figure leaning against a tree. The light from the moon casting her short hair to look like silver. Even though he doesn’t want to, he knows they need to talk about everything that’s happened. His feet start moving towards her before he can convince himself to wait a little longer.

“I was wrong,” she says quietly as he approaches, already knowing it’s him without even having to look.

Coming to a stop beside her, he breathes in the night before saying, “you were.”

There’s no menace in his words. It’s just a simple agreement. While her need to protect Madi was warranted, it was wrong of Clarke to risk an all out war between the last of humankind in order to do so.

Bellamy has never lied to her and he’s not going to start now.

“Why?” he asks, a quiet sadness clear in his voice. Why couldn’t she have trusted him? Why was she so against Madi taking the Flame? 

She’s quiet for a moment, her eyes closing as she tries to collect herself enough to answer.

“I felt like you had betrayed me… in the worst possible way,” she confesses.

There’s a sharp twisting in his chest at her words. He’d seen it in her eyes when she’d slapped him and that was enough to feel something inside of him shrivel up in response. The fact that she thought he could _ever_ do something like that to her hurts more than he could have anticipated.

”I’d never do that, Clarke,” he tells her in a hoarse voice. 

Her eyes flick to his before looking away again. “It felt like you did at the time.”

“When I heard the ascension horn and saw Madi on that table,” she explains, “all I could think of were the dead novitiates in the throne room of Polis with Ontari sitting on the throne, covered in black blood, holding up Aden’s decapitated head like some kind of trophy before throwing it at my feet and declaring she was _Heda_ now. But suddenly, it was Octavia holding Madi’s head.”

Had she told him that before? He tries to remember if she did and can only her vaguely telling him what had happened. Bellamy’s stomach churns at the image of so many dead children. But bile rises in his throat at the one of Octavia because deep down, he could see that too.

She takes a shuddering breath before continuing. “It was remembering how closed off and cold Lexa had to become because of her role. Remembering how _I_ was as a leader and the way I had to shut off my emotions until I could feel nothing in order to go through with the choices I had made so we could survive.”

They stand in silence as they remember Finn, the culling, Mt. Weather, TonDC...everything; all of the people they’d killed. But Clarke’s the one to put those thoughts into words.

“We both know what it’s like to have the blood of hundreds on our hands. And what that did to us… I never wanted Madi to have to make those kinds of decisions; to feel like that. It’s like I told her. Commanders die. And they die badly,” she says in a hushed voice.

He thinks over her words before letting out a sigh.

”She’s been my entire world for almost six years, the only family I had. And my entire world became about protecting her,” she tells him. 

“I get it, Clarke. I told you I understand. That’s how it was with Octavia,” he replies in reassurance. 

“But you have to know that I only did what you told me I had to do,” he tells her. “I used my head to try and keep _everyone_ alive, including you and Madi. Even though it hurt you, I made the best decision I could at the time.” 

Clarke swallows and nods. “You did. And _I_ understand _that_.”

They lapse into silence again, lost in their own thoughts as they stare up at the blinking stars.

“You know, all I wanted for six years was for you to come back to me,” she says in a soft voice that has Bellamy turning towards her, surprised that she’s admitting such a confession. But instead of looking at him, she keeps her eyes on the sky before swallowing hard as she gathers up the courage to keep going. “Every shooting star I saw, I’d wish that you were here with me. I’d look up at the sky and hope you were looking down at the same time. Every day, I’d-,” she stops and bites her lower lip, holding it between her teeth until she’s sure the words that had been on the tip of her tongue won’t escape into the night air and reach his ears.

Bellamy desperately wants to know what secret she’s now swallowing back down, but he stays silent for a moment. Partly because he knows she won’t tell him, no matter how hard he presses. Partly because he’s reeling from her admission and can’t seem to find his voice anyways. But once he gets past the shock, he manages it to find it and rasps, “you’d what?”

He watches as Clarke shifts her feet nervously and wraps her arms around herself, her fingers digging into the fabric of her jacket. Licking her lips, she says, “you asked how I did it, surviving alone….”

Bellamy stills so completely that he doesn’t even breathe even as he waits to hear what she’s going to say.

“I found a radio and portable satellite in Becca’s lab,” she explains in a voice as soft as the wind blowing through the leaves. “And I used them… to talk to you. Every day.”

“That’s,” she pauses and presses her lips together for a second, “that’s how I did it. For two thousand, one hundred, and ninety nine days, that’s what helped me: talking to you about everything and holding onto the hope that you were up there and that maybe you could hear me and know it was okay to come home. Because if I didn’t… I knew I wouldn’t be able to go on.”

Clarke keeps her eyes trained straight ahead and he’s grateful because his face crumbles as he fully processes what she’s saying to him. She survived because she radioed him _every fucking day_ for six goddamn years and he didn’t hear _any_ of them. While he’d mourned her and tried to move on, she tried to never give up on the chance that he was alive. _He_ was what kept her going when she was alone.

And the knowledge is too much. His throat aches and his eyes burn as he imagines her all alone on this desolate planet, telling her fears to a radio. He quickly turns away from her, sucking in a shaking breath as his chest feels like it’s collapsed in on itself.

“And then I left you.”

While they’d both obviously _known_ that, hearing her admit it out loud somehow makes it hurt so much more to Bellamy. Turning back to look at her, he thinks that Clarke must feel the same because she shakes her head to herself and her face scrunches up like she’s trying her hardest not to cry. He guesses she can’t fight off the tears though because she turns her head away from him just as she takes in a quick breath that sounds like the air didn’t make it all the way to her lungs and got trapped in her throat.

“It was unforgivable,” she whispers.

There’s so much pain and self loathing in those three words that Bellamy’s heart cracks and he vaguely wonders how much more it can take. His fingers twitch with the instinctive need to comfort her but he restrains himself from reaching out.

Bellamy could be angry with her for leaving him to die at the hands of his sister, he knows that. He could rage and yell and walk away from her. And a very small part of him almost wants to.

But he knows he can’t.

He can’t because he knows that if their roles had been reversed and he’d walked in on Octavia lying unconscious on a table with standing over her, thinking that Clarke had forced something on his sister, he’d feel betrayed too. He’d had moments where he was ready to leave everyone else behind in order to save his sister and had almost succeeded if Clarke hadn’t stopped him. So, he understands.

He can’t walk away from her because he already had to do that six years ago and even before they landed, that decision still haunted him. If he loses her again, he knows deep down that he won’t be able to put himself back together. He knows what it’s like to be without her and he doesn’t want to ever do that again. He doesn’t want to be angry with her like he was when she had left him after Mt. Weather. 

Because he’s Bellamy and she’s Clarke. And that’s what they do. It’s what they’ve always done. No matter how much or how deeply she’s hurt him or he’s hurt her, no matter how much they’ve changed these past six years,  they _always_ forgive each other in the end. He honestly doesn’t know how _not_ to forgive her. It’s simply not an option for him. Even though, with Madi, he’d been prepared for her to never forgive him. He’d have rather had her alive and hate him than not have her at all.

And the simple truth is that they’re better together than they are apart. 

“I’ll give you forgiveness,” he tells her quietly, the words coming easily out of his mouth, “if you’ll give it to me.”

A single sob escapes Clarke before she turns back to him. Her cheeks are damp and there are more tears in her sorrowful eyes as she stares up at him.

“I should have explained better, that I wasn’t going to force her to take it,” he says, taking a step towards her.

Their gazes search each other before he asks, “so will you?”

Her lower lip starts to tremble and she finally nods, more tears escaping.

Feeling an indescribable amount of relief, Bellamy reaches out and gently cups her cheek with one hand, his eyes never leaving hers. He swipes away the warm tears that continue to fall down it with his thumb before he slides it back into her hair to gently tug her forwards while he steps even closer.

Clarke’s arms immediately slide around his back, resting just below his ribs like they always have. Her hands fist the material of his shirt in a desperate hold, as though she’s afraid that if she doesn’t hold on tight enough, he’ll disappear. She tucks her chin just beneath his collarbone so that her lips are pressed against his shoulder and the side of her face flush against his neck, exactly the way he remembers.

In return, Bellamy’s right hand still clutches the nape of her neck while his other arm is wrapped around her waist, keeping her flush against him. His eyes close as he lowers his head so he can bury his face in the curve of her shoulder, breathing her in. He’s sure she can feel the pounding rhythm his heart beats against her chest the same way he can feel hers.

“You have no idea what leaving you behind did to me, Clarke,” he murmurs into her shoulder. He tells her how much he missed her, how he strived to live in honor of her so hwe sacrifice wasn’t in vain, how her memory helped shape him into the man he is now.

After he’s done, he feels how damp his shirt is. Her shoulders shake as she brokenly whispers _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Bellamy_ over and over again. Instead of saying anything, he just pulls her even closer and lets a few of his own tears finally fall.

They stand there holding on to each other as they allow themselves to let go of all the fear and hurt and sadness they’ve been keeping inside.

Once they’ve both calmed down, Bellamy pulls away so he cradle her face. He rests his forehead against hers and for a moment, he allows himself to take advantage of the peace he feels and just lets himself _be_ ; to take in the feel of her soft skin under his fingers, the warmth of her breath as each exhale ghosts over his face, the heat coming off of her small hands that she now has lightly placed on his sides.

And slowly, piece by piece, Bellamy can feel the part of him that’s always belonged solely to Clarke, the part that has ached for six years, finally start fitting itself back together. It feels like the coolness a salve provides on a wound, soothing the pain inside of him that he thought he’d managed to dull and ignore. The feeling has Octavia’s words suddenly ringing in his head.

_Pleading for the life of a traitor… who you love._

And he does.

He loves her so fucking much and has loved her for so long. He just never wanted to admit it to himself and by the time he did, he was too scared to tell her. The very high probability  of her rejecting him was too much to risk because he knew he’d rather have her as his best friend than not at all. Then the world was ending again and the next thing he knew, he was leaving her on a burning planet. So he’d slowly put those feelings to rest, until Octavia had forced that door in his heart to open again.

Bellamy quickly pushes the dark memories away and reminds himself that Clarke is alive and in front of him. Even after six years and thousands of miles between them, they came back together.

With a deep, cleansing sigh that he feels in his entire body, Bellamy lifts his head to press a small, lingering kiss to her forehead. He tries to put all his feelings into that kiss and hopes she understands. But he also knows he needs to say something. Keeping her face in his hands, he pulls back to look at her as he tries to find the right words.

“After… after I gave Octavia the laced ration,” he says in a hushed voice, “you told me that she tried to kill the people we love.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, he swallows thickly and opens them again, not hiding the emotions swirling inside of him as he stares at her.

“You were right,” he tells her. “And she came _so close_ to doing it. I couldn’t let that happen.”

Bellamy can hear her small intake of breath and her fingers tighten on his sides. Her gaze darts between his eyes in search of the truth and he doesn’t hide anything. But he still needs to know that she understands what he’s trying to say and whispers, “do you understand, Clarke?”

She lets go of his sides to wrap her fingers around his wrists. Her eyes close but a few more tears leak through that he quickly swipes away. When she looks at him again, her gaze is just as open as his and his chest warms at the sight. Because there she is, there’s the Clarke he remembers. Whose soul was just as tortured as his but who never hesitated to murmur soft words to him that helped push back the blackness that wanted to consume him.

“I understand, Bellamy,” she breathes.

“You’re not alone anymore, Clarke,” he says, his voice low and fervent. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore, okay?”

“Okay,” she replies in a choked whisper, her grip on wrists almost bruising before she lets go.

 “Okay,” he repeats, leaning in to drop another kiss on forehead before he too lets go of her.

“You ready to try together again?” he asks gently. “The right way this time?”

The way where together truly means together, with these new versions of themselves and not the people they were when they were first separated. Where they know with blinding certainty that their families include each other. 

Her lips twitch with the barest hint of a smile and she nods. “Yeah, I am.”

He holds a hand out to her and she takes it without hesitation, giving it a little squeeze.

Yeah, they’ll definitely do it right this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why I keep doing these in Bellamy’s POV. I guess because most people’s are done in Clarke’s.
> 
> If I missed something in this convo, tell me and I’ll add it in. 
> 
> @not-your-fucking-princess you’re a charming panda for helping me

**Author's Note:**

> I do love to know your thoughts, so drop a comment!
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @trixareforeveryoneaq.


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